After she finished reading Baptistland, Kerin Stascinsky wrote to me, and in the process, shared a story of the first sermon she delivered while in seminary. Her words are powerful and timely, particularly as we approach yet another Southern Baptist Convention annual meeting in June—a meeting in which the SBC will seek to enact a constitutional amendment to assure that no church can “affirm, appoint or employ a woman as a pastor of any kind.”
Apparently the SBC can’t even tolerate women working as children’s pastors or associate pastors. They just want women out of the pastorate altogether. They want to make double-darn-sure that it remains a boys’ club.
And this—the purging of women pastors—is where the SBC focuses its energy rather than earnestly reckoning with its ongoing and unabated clergy sex abuse crisis—a crisis brought about by the rampant abuses and coverups of its male pastors.
So, with Kerin’s permission, and with minimal editing, I’m sharing here what she wrote. cb
The Constant Dying We Are Demanded to Give, by Kerin Stascinsky
“In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
‘I am leaving, I am leaving’
But the fighter still remains”
I opened the very first sermon I ever gave in seminary with these lyrics from Paul Simon’s “The Boxer.” I was the only woman in the class. As I started speaking, at least two of the men got up and visibly walked out of the classroom rather than listen to me speak.
There were nine of us who were assigned the same passage for our sermons. I was assigned the last spot for delivering my sermon so that men could leave and didn't have to listen to me. But I would have lost grade points if I did not listen to every single one of their sermons.
After all, as a female, I wasn’t allowed to call it “preaching”—and I certainly wasn’t supposed to be able to speak in such a way that might demonstrate gifting and skill in a role I was not allowed to have.
I eventually lost count of how many times I was told my skill itself was “sin.”
Christa’s memoir (I feel like I have to call her “Christa” now, because Baptistland was such an intimate read for me) has called to mind so many memories of my own faith journey. Her story felt like my story, at nearly every single chapter. She has stripped her soul naked in front of us, showing so much perseverance and grace.
So many of us women who have grown up in Baptist or Baptist-like circles know far too well the constant dying we are demanded to give.
We are called “bitter” if we do not live lives ever sacrificed on the altar of men’s indifference, apathy, and abuse.
Our well-being has been discarded so frequently that we have embraced self-sacrifice and what I think of as an “inverse-prosperity gospel” as the ultimate spiritual journey for women—meaning that women’s lives of faith are measured by the amount of suffering we “joyfully endure” for the sake of men—their reputation, their livelihood, their prosperity, their satisfaction, their lies, their institutions.
We are supposed to do this quietly, with a smile on our face, celebrating every man’s success gained by even our abuse.
How have so many failed to see that we yearn so often to be able to walk away? Yet, the fighter within us still remains as we cannot walk away from our inner-most selves. We have to continue to raise our voices to call for Light and Life to shine and show the Truth.
Once again, in Baptistland, Christa Brown leads the way; showing that while she is no longer a lone voice in the wilderness (more of us are adding our voices to the chorus daily), her cry is yet one for God’s people to be delivered. Her story—the story I aspire to—is one of resurrection, of hope, of kindness and compassion in the face of adversity. Of a faithful loving-kindness that fights for mercy, justice, and truth among those gathering as the children of God.
Many thanks to Kerin for sharing this. May we all continue in the fight for mercy, justice, and truth.
My new memoir, Baptistland will be released May 7. It’s available for pre-order here.
Thank you. Great piece.
Heavy stuff that’s on women’s shoulders within faithful patriarchal evangelical Christian communities and churches. I am sorry for your experience. It sounds confusing, alienating and invalidating. It also sounds lonely. Glad to hear that has reduced over time. Not glad for you having more company in your stated experience. Also, they can never take away your gifts or reduce their true impact or importance!
My experience did not have the added layer of SBC culture. And yet I can sincerely relate. It all began in a “non denominational Christian youth group.” Non-denominational maybe, but not non-bigoted where gender and its “God ordained” roles were concerned. As a cis “Christ-Centered” girl that was “fine” with me in the early days—as a young and impressionable “young woman of God” or simply “woman of God.” Even as I write that I realize the language I was taught tried to mature me/us. I was not a woman of any kind. I was a child. Legally, developmentally, and otherwise. A teen maybe, but still a minor child. No matter to Mr Popular youth director and administrator. Ah, but he was just a rare “bad apple” dontcha know. Not worth ruffling anyone’s pretty little feathers over. “Seriously, folks, please don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. LOL.😂”
Because THAT would be the bigger problem: damaging “The Witness” among the many unfaithful children and adults who remain tragically outside of fellowship with the Lord. Souls are at stake! And our Dear Lord of love and compassion WILL SEND THOSE SOULS TO HELL if we don’t tell them about the Gospel. If they don’t accept Him as their Lord and Savior, then they are damned to a horrible devil-infested HELL by our “loving God” and Christ enthroned at his right-hand side. Because you see, He is not only loving beyond measure. He is also a “just God.” And as such He harbors a tremendous righteous and oh-so-Holy wrath. (Between us kids, what that just might really mean, one possibility at least, is that Sky Daddy mirrors the punitive egos of those who would usurp worldly power in His Name. Those who write or wrote “divinely inspired” sermons, self-protecting Church Policies, Parachurch organizational practices, and the very Holy Book itself. A good portion of these “divinely inspired” dudes, (forgiven sinners like the rest of us—NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO) keep right on teaching that Mr. God of Love in the sky is busy condemning humans to HELL. Especially when THOSE folks (women in particular) ask too many questions.
How convenient. How useful.
God’s Holy Wrath! Booyah!
What a darn good reason the keep your mouth shut. And serve the Lord meekly and humbly. Or if you aren’t going to serve the Lord, then at least fade away quietly and don’t become a thorn in our sides.
Cuz we’re over here doing God’s work. (And we’re actually such really nice people, such good people, such role models. And we’ll be prayin’ for ya to our Daddy God😇😉.)
Thank you for sharing this. My sisters and I only recently unpacked the unhealth in our Baptist church. Stories we hid in our hearts have come out through painful texts, finally finding a soft place to land. We've affirmed for each other that our experience was bad after years of saying, "It wasn't that bad," after years of it being implied that the language and actions around us were "normal."