When "Caring Well" Is Uncaring

SBC's "Caring Well Sunday" Lands as a Slap in the Face

“Church leaders who speak empathetic words and make empty promises without substantive and self-sacrificing actions are exploiting and re-victimizing the abuse survivors.”

—Boz Tchividjian

“Caring Well.” For four years, Southern Baptist Convention leaders have spewed so much phony baloney under the heading of those words that, now, I can scarcely even read them without feeling my stomach clench.

Tomorrow is the SBC’s first ever “Caring Well Sunday.” Suffice it to say that I’m not cheering. And I’m not feeling from it even the tiniest bit of care.

To the contrary, when the whole institution is so marinated in NOT caring, another public performance of “caring well” lands as yet another slap in the face.

For those of us who were sexually abused by Southern Baptist pastors—and particularly for those of us who have dared to name those pastors and demand accountability—there is no care to be had within this institution. That’s the reality.

The Southern Baptist Convention is not yet ready to clean its own house or to care for those wounded by its own institutional cover-ups and recalcitrance.

Instead of actually caring, the SBC is providing an insert for churches to put in the Sunday morning bulletin. It has nice-sounding words about seeking justice and protecting the vulnerable. I imagine some SBC congregants will see it, say “Amen,” and walk out of church thinking they’re proud to be part of a faith group that cares.

Their bulletin insert reminds me of the glossy brochure that the SBC Executive Committee put out after they refused to implement a database of clergy sex abusers back in 2008. It was called “Protecting Our Children,” even as it left children wholly unprotected. It was purely an appeasement for public relations purposes—an empty charade.

Fifteen years later, “Caring Well Sunday” strikes me as more of the same. It’s hollow and it’s passive. “Caring” becomes a feel-good sentimental squishy thing, not an active verb. They TALK about committing to ensuring that Southern Baptist congregations are safe places. But when it comes to actually DOING the hard work, that’s a different story.

They want the appearance of caring without the labor or cost of caring.

And what about the countless survivors who were sexually abused in Southern Baptist churches and who now, understandably, won’t set foot in a Southern Baptist church? Are survivors only worthy of care if they remain at a Southern Baptist church—still under the influence of the very institution that betrayed them?

And what about LGBTQ+ people who were abused as kids by Southern Baptist pastors? Does “Caring Well” extend to them? I sure haven’t seen it.

The SBC still hasn’t on its own outed a single credibly accused abusive pastor. That’s NOT caring well. It’s not caring for the survivors, who often worry desperately about protecting others, and it’s not caring for the next generation, because if abusive pastors aren’t outed, they can church-hop to new congregations where they may abuse others.

The SBC hasn’t added a single name of any abusive pastor to what they claim will be a new database. Not one. They haven’t even bothered to transfer over the hundreds of names that were on the Executive Committee’s previously secret list that was finally released in May 2022. That’s NOT caring well. To the contrary, it’s cruel and leaves survivors to wonder yet again at what more they will have to do, often after decades, to expose their pastor-perpetrators.     

SBC officials have so tediously slow-walked abuse reforms that they still haven’t even lined up permanent funding and staffing for a clergy abuser database. That’s NOT caring well.

The pace of progress in this institution has been so glacial as to resemble inertia. That’s NOT caring well. That’s status quo uncaring.

Hundreds of reports have been made to the SBC’s sexual abuse hotline and yet we know nothing about who those reported pastors are. We don’t even know whether independent investigations have been initiated. That’s NOT caring well. That’s obfuscating and stalling.

The SBC Executive Committee has imposed no consequence on itself for its own egregious conduct documented in the Guidepost report; nor has it made amends. That’s NOT caring well. That’s setting an example of uncaring at the very top.

As clergy sex abuse survivors, we have been eviscerated within a faith we once loved and then cast aside for the messiness of our entrails. Many have bled out. More are wounded daily. Decades pass.

When “Caring Well” is words without actions, it’s a cruel sham.

[Thanks to Amy Smith (@watchkeep) for the edited Caring Well image, and thanks to soscsa.org for the blue counter image.]  

[Note: I imagine the individual pastor who first proposed “Caring Well Sunday” had good intentions. But again and again, SBC honchos have shown that they are capable of exploiting anything and everything for the sake of institutional image enhancement, all while doing near-nothing to actually care for #SBCtoo survivors.]